It’s interesting how I’ve come full circle, talking about 90 Day Fiancé again. Somehow, it always seems to spark some sort of discussion and conversation about matters of the heart.
I started watching a new season of 90 Day fiancé and at that moment, realised that coincidentally, it had been 90 days, or three months, since my last post.
90 days seems to be a long time until you are supposed to decide whether or not to get married to someone.
That sort of happened to me. I thought I was going to marry a guy. But not anymore. 90 days was enough to get my head straight because I wasn’t about to change a man. No sire. That’s the job of the Holy Spirit. I just pack my bags and walk away. And right now, I don’t worry about him saying I am putting his business out there because he never read this blog. Sad, you say? Don’t worry. It wasn’t the deal breaker. I’m not petty lah!
There’s a lot of talk about deal breakers and it’s interesting how Hollywood/ mainstream media has a term for everything – deal breaker, chemistry, soul mates- some of these things are made up, you know? Don’t fall for it. But that’s not the point I was trying to make. Here is the point: you’ve got to know what you want. And what you want has got to be based on unshakeable facts, in other words, truth. Because not all facts are true, but truth will outlast time and arguments.
So there was my truth and I realised that after 90 days, give or take, I had to move on because it was in headlong collision with his reality. I am a revelation junkie, but I shy away from Bible philosophy like I hate the pimples on my face. That’s because I believe the Bible is very simple about a lot of things. Jesus is a very straightforward matter (not that Jesus is a matter. He is a Person). And if doctrine and beliefs and actions don’t line up with the Person of Jesus, then it’s like telling a child, “that is your dad”, when you are pointing to another man dressed up in her dad’s clothes. She will know it’s not her father. Because even if daddy wore a Princess costume, the little girl would know it was still her daddy (yes, Despicable Me 2 fans, you know what I mean).
I learned a new term though, during the 90 days- cognitive dissonance. Apparently, there is no point arguing when you get to that point. You see, the right person becomes your person. The right person helps you to be a better person. The right person will not let you do anything that destroys you. Not even in the name of love. You do realize that a lot of crimes have been committed in the name of love, right?
My secondary school chaplain used to say, Don’t fall in love. Stand in love.
I’m not sure it was love I stood in, but I definitely stood. Which brings me to why I was able to say no a love that could have made me happy but started making me miserable. Your why. Your reason for being. If you don’t know this, you really have no business marrying. See eh, marriage is about two whole people coming together to form a new whole. Forget that nonsense about halves. It is disastrous to marry half a man or half a woman.
I am in counseling mode because a lot happened, not outwardly, but inwardly and most times, that is where the greatest battles are fought. And if there is anything to remember from this post, it is this: be stable in the Lord and His plans for you. Hold on to that like World Cup (all or nothing) and never let go. Eyes on Jesus and everything will fall into place, and even if it falls off, it means it was not meant to be. Trust that. Trust His love for you. That is the root life, my friend. It doesn’t matter what happens outwardly, you’ll be all right inwardly, and if you are all right in your heart where it matters, out of that will flow the right fruit you want to see.
Don’t stress about how good everything looks on IG or FB or on your status. It’s how your heart looks that matters. So sometimes, if you don’t feel like posting anything, don’t do it. The world won’t end. Your friends won’t abandon you (if they do, they weren’t your friends in the first place), your worth won’t fade. Focus on what God is doing in you, through you, for you. I thank God for times like these. It’s like a hike. The climb can be tough but you never knew the view at the top would be this amazing. And then you can take those selfies and share…if you want!
How is your heart doing?
Stay high on grace.