No, don’t get upset at the title. I’m not about to give a list of what you should or should not do to become that domestic species for somebody’s son.
Actually, and here’s a fun fact, every time wife is mentioned in the old testament, it’s actually not “wife”. It’s “woman”. Have you noticed that the very word “wife” although a desirable social state, is ridden with the heavy yolk of mundane domesticity that the woman you fell in love with slowly evolves into?
Contrast these two statements: “That’s my wife” versus “That’s my woman”. The second one has a ring of mischief in it. Something sexy. Something mysterious and at once exciting. A stamp of healthy possessiveness. Imagine you’ve just changed diapers, bathed 3 kids, and are still trying to get dinner on the table and your man walks in. At that point, you know you are a wife, but you want to be reminded that you’re someone’s woman.
So what I’ll be doing in this blog post is helping to shift some perspectives here. And trust me, a very healthy shift that can make all the difference in a marriage. Am I now a marriage counselor? You tell me! This is free advice that God ordered your steps to hear today. Aren’t you blessed my darling?
So whoever came up with the “wife material” idea probably got inspiration from Proverbs 31’s the virtuous woman. And now, let me burst that bubble. That portion of the bible is an acrostic poem using the twenty two letters of the Hebrew alphabet. And every week, the man of the house would recite this poem to his woman in front of their children, saying her worth is far more than rubies. Her children arise and call her blessed. Her husband praises her, etc etc. Affirming his woman with his words every week is really what transforms her into a virtuous woman. But let’s even say all this is just maybe.
It is undeniable when you consider the power of words when it comes to women. Words can make or break us. When the apostle Paul by the Spirit said husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church, he added a part that we quickly skim over- …cleansing her by the washing of water through the word (Ephesians 5:26). Take your time and read that again. Through the word. The word.
Women love hearing sweet nothings. Turn that into sweet some things. We thrive on words. What he said, what he didn’t say, and so on. Imagine hearing that you are a virtuous woman over and over again. That is how to get a wrinkle-free, unblemished woman. Forget make up, lah.
Here comes the shift. Instead of focusing so much on women becoming wife material, (and I would be the first to agree that on some level, a person needs to be emotionally, psychologically, spiritually prepared for marriage, so don’t bash me for that) … we could simply use the pattern of the bible and place the same and even greater weight on men being husband material. Love isn’t complicated. Human beings are. That is why shifting the focus from us to Christ is how we overcome our pettiness. In Christ, there is no room for tit-for-tat love. Jesus was so lovesick he decided to give his life. He died for his bride when she didn’t even love him. But that love is what drew her to him and He continues to love her and tell her she’s great even when she feels she doesn’t add up. That, my friends, is husband material.
It’s a win-win situation. There is no reason the woman won’t fall head over flipping heels in love with you and love you back. I just realised that I was able to write an entire post without once mentioning “submission”. Hahaha. No one should sue me.
It’s all about grace perspective.
Stay high on grace, women and men of grace.
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