Do you have an old picture of your mother? The yellowish tinged or black and white photograph where they posed in front of a nice building or holding a flower in their hand. The ones where they have a big afro and thick wedge heels.
My mother has whole albums. A handful from when she was a girl and lots from her campus days. I never get tired of looking at those. In fact, a few times, I get some fashion inspiration from them. It’s true that there is nothing new under the sun. I love those pictures.
And their dresses were short. Very, very short. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’re probably too young.) I take a look at those pictures and I’m like, for real? Is this how you babes rolled back in the day?
And fast forward to today. Our mothers are now the church elders, the respectable women in society, telling us our dresses are too short and generally condemning young ladies for their lack of morals. So what gives?
Dear mums, you lived life. You know what’s up. You know some of our pain. So why don’t you relax and talk to us, not at us? Without making us feel like the worst sinners? I’m not saying we are right, I’m saying, you were young once and that has to count for something.
I have a great mother. Seriously. And there’s nothing more beautiful than when older and younger women bond, or when women simply bond (That’s why one of my favourite movies is “The other woman”- no matter how messed up the morals are). I simply love that movie. And of course, you’ve probably heard of the interesting dynamic between Ruth and Naomi. So why is it that when women grow older, many put up a holier-than-thou perfectionist façade that us younger women can’t get past? We want to talk to you, but we are afraid you will judge us. Judge our tight skirts, the red lipstick we wear to church, our ripped jeans, our off-shoulder tops. And then you wonder why we are going wayward or won’t follow you to church.
The truth is, daughters need mums. We need mothers. We need them to guide us because it’s really messed up out there. We need you to love us without the pressure.
So mums, please don’t freak out or your daughters will take their problems to their friends who have no clue how to help them. They won’t tell you about their challenges or ask your advice about their boyfriends. If you freak out, they won’t tell you anything. In fact, they may tell it all to some blogger instead, online!
If you are a new mum, then you have a clean slate to form a great bond with your daughter, a blessed dynamic that is full of grace and understanding. And for every strained relationship, may the grace of God flow into those broken places to heal and restore in Jesus’ name.
Stay high on grace.