“And I thought you were my friend”

So I have a theory. Sort of like the theory which says men and women can’t be friends. You know that theory (how I feel about it is another blog post for another day.)

Well, my theory is this; that adults find it difficult to make new adult friends. They just stick to their old friends and hardly let anyone else into their circle. Think about it. When was the last time you made a new friend? Not an acquaintance, but a friend?

I used to think that I could make friends with everyone. You know, it’s one jolly world with no barriers. Optimistic, missionary-like, the-earth-is-the-Lord’s thinking. Can’t blame myself though, I was brought up that way. Anyhow, in this hakuna matata kind of world, everyone was happy to know everyone else and after that first hello, followed up with more “hello, how are you?” calls and text messages. And of course, to seal the deal, a meet up or hang out over Malta Guinness or fried rice.

Unless they were surprised that you called them. Unless they forgot that they met you. Unless they answered your text message with a confused reply, or never even responded. Reality check. Adults were happy with their friends. The ones they met in secondary school. Or in primary school or whatever school they went to before adulthood or getting married or getting a job. Or maybe it’s the country I live in. It is a weird country in so many ways. Very relational, but not in the ways that matter. Very transactional, in every way there is.

So, I have moved back home. For several reasons I can and cannot explain. I still have an empty room in town because my lease is not over yet (I am on the lookout for a more suitable place). But I’m home and happy to be home. This is I, who have lived 9 time zones away, gone on solo tours, defied expectations. But I’m back home. Part of it is I couldn’t stand the fact that I thought I had new friends and I realized, “girl, you don’t. Not in the way you think.” You have people who want things from you (oh, that’s not bad. I’m needed!) You have people who remind you to go to church (that you went to on your own volition). You have people you work with (never a boring moment with the 9 – 5) . You have people who text you and never intend to go beyond that (very interesting set of people).

I ask for a lot- loyalty, heart, and soul. (It can be a challenge.) I always did. Never did half measures. Never understood mediocrity. “Never settle.” All in or not at all. But that kind of loyalty kinda died with my dad. He was one of the last of his dwindling kind. The man had friends from Timbuktu to Manila. What I learned (and I am still learning)? There are people for different seasons, for different reasons. They come and go. And I gotta let them go. I gotta know why they are there at that moment with me. Understand the intent. Maybe even be the one to walk away.

But once in a while, they stay. And when they stay, oh Jesus, it’s like heaven on earth.

This is my Valentine’s Day post (horribly belated, I know!) to all my friends. You know yourselves because you will be reading this without me prompting you. That’s true love, my friends! I love you back!

And seriously, if you don’t follow my blog already what are you waiting for???? Hit the follow button below this post. If I am inspired, I might do a birthday post.

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